# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
