I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
