GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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