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remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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