The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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