The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
