You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You are the jesus of drinking
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I believe in your delicious
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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