giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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