what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
