you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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