Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
