turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
