I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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