It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
