i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
