You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
