in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
