does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
