Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
