You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
