K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
