thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
