I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You are a genius and a whore.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
