She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
