i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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