Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I love having hate sex.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
