My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
