i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
