Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
