oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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