it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
