nut hugger
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
