Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
