Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
