i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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