New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
