First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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