I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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