ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
