I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
