Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
