i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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