Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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