The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I think pants incapable of making pants work
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
