Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
