he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
