I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
