true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
