I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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