that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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