I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
