We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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