hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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